Songs of Javert
by Love'sdarkshadow
Summary: Sorry for the corny title...Javert struggles with his feelings after Jean Valjean lets him go free from the barricades. Using other characters songs, he realizes its not only hatred in his heart. Again, sorry for a corny summary -.- Please read and enjoy :) BOYXBOY warning
1. Chapter 1

**So I got this lovely idea from a really nice fanart by sung-me. Basically I'm taking songs sung by other characters and letting Javert express his own feelings through the songs. Its surprising how a lot of the other songs fit kind of well with him...at least in my opinion haha **

**Songs used in this chapter: ON MY OWN and parts of IN MY LIFE. There are some changes to the songs as well as parts of other songs randomly thrown in, see if you can spot them ;) haha**

**BOYXBOY warning, more in the next chapter sort of. **

**Les Miserables, the characters and the lovely songs do not belong to me, though it'd be nice if they did haha**

**PLease please please review, it always make me happy and helps me see if I'm actually doing a good job with this writing thing :) thanks~! and enjoy!**

"You're free to go. Now get out of here," Jean Valjean said, his eyes steely as he stared at Javert.

Javert didn't understand, not one bit. How could this man—this ex-convict—let him go free? Javert had been chasing him for years, merciless and relentless, threatening time and time again to throw Valjean in jail without a second thought. And here was the criminal's chance, basically given to him on a silver platter, to be rid of the nuisance and danger of Javert, to finally win and take what was his…and he was letting Javert go.

"I don't understand…" Javert said, rubbing his wrists where the bonds had bitten harshly into his skin. "Kill me. The right is yours, just do it!"

"Get out of here, Javert," Valjean said, his voice low and controlled. He tucked the knife he'd used to release Javert away. "Just go. I have no grudge against you. You've only been doing your job. You're at no fault."

Javert scowled and glared at the ex-convict. A pain stabbed at Javert's heart, an unfamiliar feeling. When Javert had been tied up, his hands restrained, his neck held by the rope, he'd felt helpless and defeated. But he'd also felt a strange twinge of sadness and unfullfilment. He didn't want to die by those traitorous school boys' hands; he wanted to die at Jean Valjean's. It was the right way to go. The criminal had won, it would have made the perfect ending to their battle. Javert had resigned himself to his fate but had silently wished to see Valjean one last time.

His wish had been granted as if by some miracle of fate. It was destined, it must have been. What else would you call it when Valjean suddenly appeared in the barricades and asked for Javert? Javert felt his heart leap at seeing Jean Valjean, and it pounded even more knowing Valjean was going to be the one to take his life. A fitting end.

Now…Javert wasn't so sure what he felt.

"24601…"

"My name is Jean Valjean," the ex-convict correctly quietly, his voice soft, almost soothing. "Please refer to me as such."

Javert looked at the old man mildly and shook his head. "No…you will always be a convict to me…a traitor, a criminal, a thief." The last word held a special, stinging place in the Inspector's heart. "You're a liar…pretending to be the mayor, acting noble and good when you were a wolf in sheepskin…a person's true colors always shine through, and I saw right to your rotten soul. In all the years, you haven't changed. Men like you can never change."

Javert hung his head, hiding the hurt and anger burning in his eyes. He had trusted the mayor, looked up to the mayor. When he had discovered he'd made a mistake in accusing Madeleine, he had seen the mayor in a new light, as a saint and a good man, the kind of man Javert was always trying to protect and preserve in this corrupt world. He'd revered the mayor, wanting to talk with him as often as possible, making excuses to see him in his office and joining him on walks. But then Madeleine confessed to being Jean Valjean, and Javert's world had crashed around him. "Liar…thief…" Javert spat. After that, Javert had chased after the convict, never resting, never thinking of anything else, all these years wrapped completely around the man who had tricked him, and betrayed him. The man was a thief, a liar, a convict; this was his nature. "Just kill me! I can't bear to think of you wandering the streets free! If you let me go, I will not be merciful; I will continue to hunt you down and I will see you behind bars." This was definitely fated; Javert sneaking into the ranks of the rebellion, being singled out by the young brat, only for Valjean to appear as he always did. This was fated, Javert was meant to die tonight by Valjean. And if not, then their game would simply continue on. There can only be Javert or Valjean.

Valjean looked to Javert, his eyes sad, almost pitying. He walked towards Javert and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know…I'm sorry, but I'm not the horrible man you believe me to be. I'm letting you live, no bargins or deals." He smiled sadly and Javert wanted to smack the man's face.

Javert turned and hurried down the alley. A shot from a gun whizzed by his head. He turned quickly; Valjean had the gun aimed. Their eyes met briefly. "No doubt our paths will cross again," Valjean said, his smile sad, withdrawn and hopeful. Javert turned and ran out of the alley.

…

The inspector hadn't gone far at all before he stopped running and leaned against the side of a building. Thick gray clouds were building up in the skies above, blocking the sky and hanging heavily, ominously.

Javert shut his eyes and shook his head. "_What's the matter with you Javert_…?" he muttered to himself. "_Have you been too much too much on your own_?" All Javert's life, it was just him. No support, no friends, no family. He's struggled, never making any ties. Now this convict comes along and all Javert's thoughts and decisions focused around _him. _Javert put a hand to his chest and clenched at the fabric. His heart was beating erratically, a heart that was supposed to be steady and strong, made of cold stone. _"So many things unclear…so many things unknown_…"

What were these thoughts running through his head? What were the feelings churning in his heart? Ever since he'd met that kindly old mayor, his world was upside down. He couldn't decipher between right and wrong as easily as he once was able to. Good and bad had been like left and right to him, but now they were shades of grey. Suddenly Javert didn't know if Valjean was the villain or the hero. All that ran through his head was Valjean; his mercy, his kindness, his voice, his face, his touch, his fingers, his chest, his smile, his eyes, his lies… All Javert could feel was the hurt and betrayal and the loneliness.

Javert looked to the skies, wanting guidance from the stars, but the clouds hung angrily overhead, blocking him from wisdom, leaving him cold and alone. Just then the skies broke and the clouds released the rain, pouring down over the Inspector's head. All the heavy weight fell, relieving the cloud of their burden. His hair fell onto his forehead, water soaking through his uniforms and dripping heavily from his nose, lips and eyelashes. He blinked, and water trailed down his cheeks like tears.

"_On my own…pretending he's beside me," _Javert spoke, his voice soft as he stepped away from the wall. The rain poured down. "_All alone, I walk with him till morning." _Javert's feet moved as though acting on their own, aimless. He wasn't looking ahead of him, not really. His mind went back, to his walks with Madeline in M. sur. M, talking mindlessly, simply content to be beside the man. A warm feeling filled Javert at the memories, a feeling Javert was starting to distinguish as happiness. "_Without him, I feel his arms around me, and when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me." _Even after Madeline was revealed to be Jean Valjean, even when Javert was filled with humiliation and rage, he desired to see the man. He searched fervently, not only because Valjean deserved to be in jail, but simply to see the man, to speak to him. His breath would hitch whenever he'd catch word of the convict at pubs, bars or from gossip. He felt relief when he knew the man was alive and he felt sadness on cold nights when he was on his own, wondering if Valjean had somewhere warm to sleep. His dreams had been invaded by Valjean, his waking thoughts contained the old man and even now….Javert was resisting the urge to run back, back through the alley, back to Jean Valjean…

Javert glanced around him as he walked, slow and steady, similar to his steps at the tops of buildings when he was testing the fates._ "In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight and all I see is him and me forever and forever…" _Javert and Valjean…Valjean and Javert. The two seemed to always match together; they seemed meant for each other. There was none without the other, like chaos and order, hate and love, officer and his convict. Javert barely remembered his life before Valjean and he couldn't really imagine a life without him. That's what scared Javert the most, that's why he felt the slightest hesitation when he caught leads of Valjean. Despite his need to see the convict, he wasn't too eager to throw him behind bars forever. That would mean an end; no more chasing, no more running, no more Valjean versus Javert. Javert's world would be empty.

_ "And I know it's only in my mind; that I'm talking to myself and not to him," _Javert whispered, closing his eyes briefly, imagining Valjean before him. Words swarmed his mind, words he wanted to say to Valjean, whisper in his ear, words he wanted Valjean to whisper to him. Javert shivered, but whether it was from the cold rain falling over him or from something else, he wasn't sure. "_And although I know that he is blind, still I say…" _Javert paused briefly, opening his eyes as the words suddenly began connecting in his head, suddenly began making sense. He felt as if pieces where fitting together slowly, as if there was a greater picture hidden behind a layer of fog and grim, which was slowly being wiped clean. "…_ there's a way for us."_

Javert gulped and he stared at the ground wide-eyed. The pieces were falling together, the picture becoming clearer. His heart pounded, his thoughts running wild. He threw his head back and despite the pouring rain, he stared at the clouds, pleading desperately in his heart for the skies to open up, to strike him down before something happened inside him that he didn't want to happen. He wanted the stars to speak to him, to tell him what he was afraid to find out. He felt his eyes burn, but it wasn't from the rain. He blinked away the tears and shook his head, shouting into the empty air, the words pouring from his lips not from his mind, but from his trembling heart, as though the very words he spoke were from somewhere unknown, trying to communicate with him:

_"But when the night is over; he is gone, the river's just a river. Without him the world around me changes; the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers." _Valjean knew Javert better than anyone. He was the closest person in Javert's life, the only one who had managed to break down those solidly built walls. Now Javert was crumbling to pieces; there would soon be nothing left. The Inspector shivered and shook, tears mixing with the rain water. He tugged on his hair and stopped walking, sliding down against a wall as the weight of his feelings became too much. He wanted to stop, to block and suppress the flow of emotions but nothing would stop until it all burst.

_"But every day I'm learning, all my life I've only been pretending! Without me, his world will go on turning," _Javert clenched his teeth and shut his eyes, knowing full well if he died, Valjean wouldn't bat an eye. Javert was merely a pain in Valjean's side, a nuisance, always trying to hunt him down, to send him back to hell. Valjean had his daughter, his pride and joy. He didn't need Javert, not like how Javert so desperately needed Valjean. Javert had nothing… _ "A world that's full of happiness, that I have never known!" _A happiness he'd never known…not until now.

Javert sobbed quietly, the only noise was the pounding of the rain and the drumming of the Inspector's heart. He was gasping now, out of breath. He was lost and confused and scared. He wanted someone to comfort him, to tell him it was okay. Never in his life did Javert want or need any kind of comfort, but right now, he wanted one person by his side. He wanted this person by his side always.

_"I love him…" _Javert whispered the words silently, almost to himself, trying them out. They slipped out on their own, which surprised Javert but not really. Something about the statement said out loud felt right. Javert never lied.

_"I love him," _Javert said, louder and stronger, but still cautiously. Yes, this was right. These were the words he knew to be true, these were the emotions he felt. He knew they were wrong, he knew he shouldn't feel them, but he knew the futility of arguing with himself about something he knew to be true. He leaned his head back, reveling in the free feeling as the weight lifted, now that he could properly identify his emotions once more.

_ "I love him…" _Javert whispered as he closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of the words on his lips. He said it to say it now, not to confirm it to himself. It was the truth; he loved Jean Valjean. The rain ebbed some, becoming gentler as the storm in Javert's heart died some. Javert smiled sadly to himself. Despite the new revelation of his feelings, Inspector Javert felt more alone than ever. "…_by only on my own."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Songs used: A LITTLE FALL OF RAIN and parts of IN MY LIFE, again there are some changes to the songs as well as snippets of others thrown in, like ONE DAY MORE **

The rain stopped but the clouds still hung overhead threateningly. Javert sat in the streets somberly, his heart no longer pounding rapidly, but aching none the less. Drops of water rolled down in face, off his nose, his uniform sticking solidly to his form, but he didn't move. He sat passively, heart aching, thoughts cycling in his mind. His body felt heavy from the rain, but his soul felt light.

Javert sighed. "_How strange. This feeling that my life's begun at last. This change. Can people really fall in love so fast?" _Javert felt his heartbeat happily now at the thought of Valjean, when just moments ago it had been filled with confusion and anger and desperation. But still there was a sadness.

_ "In my life, there are so many questions and answers that somehow seem wrong…" _The words were tumbling out again. Javert was still confused, still unsure. This was an empty love that he felt. It was a dead end. It was an incredible feeling, but it hurt knowing it led nowhere.

_"Does he see what I see, does he feel what I feel…?" _He spoke the words out loud but already knew the answer. A feeling tugged in his chest, a small hope that perhaps Valjean had let him live because he had similar feelings. But the small glimmer was quickly smothered by the knowledge that Jean Valjean was a giving man. Javert knew from his time by Madeline's side that the old man liked to give to charity, like to make people happy. That was how he is. Javert was just another charity to him and it was like a knife to the heart to realize it. There was nothing personal about it. But still…even in a heart of despair that spark of hope always crawls back, always breathes new life. That's what love did. Javert smiled hopelessly to himself, images of Valjean returning swimming through his mind. Returning to him, confessing to him, taking him away from the fear and the loneliness and the corruption of the word.

"_I'm no longer alone…find me now, find me here."_

An explosion sounded in the distance, shocking Javert from his stupor. He jumped slightly and listened. It was faint, but he heard traces and echoes of pops and shouts. The barricades. The soldiers must have finally arrived and were taking care of the traitors. Javert's mind quickly skipped over the young boys and went straight to the old man that was also in the barricades currently.

"Valjean!" He gasped. He quickly stood and started towards the explosions. He didn't know what he planned to do, but his feet seemed to be making the choice for him. No one was going to survive, none of the traitors. That explosion had been from a cannon. The soldiers weren't messing around and planned to end things quickly. Javert couldn't imagine having Valjean die like that, love or no love. They've chase after each other for too long; Javert wasn't letting 24601 die alone or by anyone else's hand.

Javert was panting as he ran, his feet slipping slightly and water splashing up at he raced into the hell hole. All his years obsessing over the law, over order and rules and structure flew out the window at the thought of Valjean in immediate danger. Valjean who is loving and gentle and good. Valjean who was the sole focus of Javert's heart and mind since the beginning. His only thoughts were on Valjean; not the boys, not the soldiers, not right or wrong, not his own safety. Just Valjean…

_"In my life there is no one like him anywhere where he is. If he asked, I'd be his…_

_…_

Javert stopped around the corner. Shouts and cries echoed around him, louder and clearer. Gun shots made his ears ring. He turned the corner cautiously but there was no need. The boys were busy with the soldiers, shouting orders, firing their weapons, trying desperately to keep the police at bay. They scrambled around, frantic and scared, crying and shouting.

Chaos was everywhere, debris flying, wood splintering, the ground shaking. Javert carefully walked deeper into the barricade, no one casting him a second glance. He kept his head low, his eyes darting around, until he saw a finally broad back high on the barricade wall.

Javert's heart soared at knowing Valjean was still alive, his chest aching in joy. He wanted to race over, embrace him, to hold him, to pull him out of there and to safety.

All these fanciful thoughts drifted away like the snap of a mouse trap. Valjean was busy helping wounded boys, trying to carry them to safety. He wasn't paying attention to himself. A lone solider had climbed the barricades. No boy was covering Valjean.

Quickly, without thinking, Javert raced forward with all the speed he had.

"Valjean!" he shouted and the convict lifted his head. He barely had time to look surprised, barely had time to register what he was seeing.

The solider stood at the top of the barricade and Javert saw it in slow motion. The world around him was going frame by frame. The solider closed an eye and took aim at Valjean's chest. Valjean was still holding onto a young boy who had been wounded. His eyes followed Javert, who grabbed the nose of the gun and pointed it at his own chest.

A loud pop and the world was suddenly in fast motion again.

"Javert!"

…

Javert stumbled backwards, his head foggy. His throat clogged as he made his way down the barricade wall to solid ground. His knees shook uncontrollably but suddenly there were two strong arms around him as he sunk to the ground.

Javert looked up through glassy eyes to see Valjean's bright eyes wide with worry. _He's worried…?_ Javert thought to himself. _Why would he worry about me…?_

"Javert…what…what are you…why did you…" Valjean was stuttering and stammering, his eyes wide and wild as he clung to Javert. He looked down, the blood stain spreading rapidly on the Inspector's usually pristine uniform front. "Oh god…its everywhere…" Valjean was sobbing drily, his breath frantic. Javert watched in fascination as Valjean worried over him. His heart was slow and his breathing was slightly staggered, but other than that he was fine. Valjean was alive. All was well. A soft thunder clap sounded and suddenly a gentle rain fell, lightly misting Valjean's hair. The convict held Javert closer, trying to cover the police officer from the rain with his own broad body. Javert wanted to laugh.

"_Don't you fret…Monseuir le Maire…I don't feel any pain," _Javert said softly, trying to stop Valjean's worrying. Javert laughed in his mind at Valjean's wide eyes at the name he used for him. Javert's first happy memories with this man were by that name. But no matter the name he used—Madeleine, 24601, Jean Valjean—the man was still the same, the love just as strong. "_A little fall of rain will hardly hurt me now." _Javert did laugh this time. He jerked slightly as the wound made it difficult for air to get through his body. "_You're here. That's all I need to know." _Javert smiled, knowing Valjean was safe. "_You will keep me safe. And you will keep me close. And rain will make the flowers grow." _The words trailed out of Javert's mouth in a sort of delirium as Javert was overwhelmed with joy and ecstasy, his mind clouding over some.

"_But you will live, Javert! Dear god above_!" Valjean cried, shaking Javert slightly, trying to keep him awake and aware. Valjean gazed at Javert's pale face, glanced at the wound in his chest. He sobbed again and shook his head. "_If I could heal your wounds with words of love_…"

Javert gazed at Valjean in surprise and confusion, hope buried deep within. They stared at each other for a long time, and Javert saw it. He saw love in Valjean's eyes. He wasn't doing this out of charity or kindness, no pity lay in those blue eyes. Just love and fear. Maybe not the kind of love Javert felt…but love all the same. Javert smiled in a kind of relief.

"_Just hold me now, and let it be," _Javert said, staring at Valjean imploringly. He coughed and blood trickled down his chin. "_Shelter me…comfort me." _The rain fell gently and Javert reached up to wipe a drop of water from Valjean's cheek.

Valjean grabbed Javert's hand and held it tight. _"You would live a hundred years, if I could show you how,"_ he spoke with intensity and with worry. Javert smiled slightly at the thought of living a hundred years with Jean Valjean. Valjean shook his head, his eyes never leaving Javert's. _"I won't desert you now_."

"_The rain can't hurt me now," _Javert reassured, entwining his fingers with Valjean's. The older man didn't look at their hands and didn't pull away. "_This rain will wash away what's past." _Javert wanted so dearly for it all to be forgotten; he wanted to forget that Valjean was a convict and he wanted Valjean to forget he was an officer. He felt the water against his skin, imaging the anger and the hatred and the betrayals and the violence and the lies all slipping away from them.

_"The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed!" _Javert said with a smile and so true it was. Fate brought them together; the rain allowed them this moment and had allowed Javert to realiz his true feelings. "_The skies begin to clear… and I'm at rest." _Javert closed his eyes briefly, but Valjean shook him slightly. He was getting tired…He continued to speak though, his voice growing softer and more far away. _"A breath away from where you are. I've come home from so far..." _Javert never in his life had had a home. He had been born in a prison, traveled around most of his young life and was too focused on work to actually stay in a house of his own. Right now, he knew home was in Valjean's arms. Home was wherever this man was. That's why he had chased him so fiercely all these years. 

"_Don't you fret…Jean Valjean…I don't feel any pain…_" Javert said again, smiling slightly against the tightness of his chest.

"_A little fall of rain…" _Valjean said, returning the smile tightly. "_Can hardly hurt you now." _He put a hand to Javert's cheek, tracing small circles with his thumb soothingly on Javert's hot skin. "_I'm here. That's all you need for now."_

"_And you will keep me safe. And you will… keep me close. I'll sleep in your embrace, at last_," Javert said, leaning his head on Valjean's shoulder. Valjean smelled like sweat, bread and wood; and also something entirely unique to Jean Valjean. It was intoxicating to Javert as he rested, his heartbeat getting slower. He was just so tired.

Javert smiled to himself, allowing himself to imagine they were alone, somewhere far away. They were not inspector and convict, but simply Jean and Javert. They were together, as they had been forever. Valjean was holding Javert, smiling down at him, simply holding him. They were all they needed in the world and all they wanted. Javert's heart ached at the dream that cannot be.

"_And you will keep…me safe_…" Javert said, his voice getting quieter. "_And you will_—" He coughed, more blood pooling out of his lips. "…keep me close…" He gasped slightly. Valjean held him tighter, urging him to hold on, to stop speaking.

The older man used his thumb to wipe the blood from the wounded officer's chin and the corners of his mouth. "Hang on Javert…_I will keep you safe…and I will keep you close…"_ Javert felt Valjean's heart beating erratically as he was held closer.

The corners of the younger man's vision were fading slightly. He looked up at Valjean, his love, and smiled. If only he had known sooner…

"_And rain…will make the flowers…" _Javert whispered, Valjean echoing his words as they brought their faces closer, almost as if they believed sharing a breath would keep them both alive. Javert and Valjean's lips touched, delicately, gently, perfectly, the rain making their mouths moist and cool. Javert smiled slightly into the kiss and relaxed.

Valjean pulled back, his eyes opening. His heart was pounded as the body in his arms slackened.

"…no…"

Valjean's eyes grew wide and he shook Javert slightly. No response. "No…no no no, Javert! Javert!" Valjean called but the Inspector did not move. The rain washed over Valjean, his heart tearing, ripping, bleeding. He buried his face in Javert's chest, ignoring the blood. Valjean sobbed loudly as the war raged on, shouts and cries, gun shots and cannon fires echoing around him. But he wasn't listening. All he wanted to hear was Javert's heartbeat, that's all he wanted to listen for, all he could hear. His world was silent.

Jean Valjean sobbed and cried, whispering gentle words into Javert's chest. He didn't think of the revolution, of the dying boys, of the soldiers, of Marius or his beloved Cosette; for this moment, his whole world was in his arms.

_"I did not live until today. How can I live when we are parted?"_

**_Thanks for sticking with it. It was a sad story idea, but the book IS very sad :( Hoped you've enjoyed it as much as I (partially) enjoyed writing it :) Review, favorite, follow, thanks again~_**


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